Sunday, July 4, 2010

Government Is Beautiful In Its Own Way

You have to admit that government is a beautiful thing. It’s a wonderful invention that has brought untold happiness, peace, and security to mankind though out the ages. Of course, government has gotten better over the years just like most things. It’s steadily improved as people learned by trial and error what worked and what didn’t. America’s Founders took these lessons to heart, and as a result, the American government is the finest government the world has ever seen. Here are some examples to illustrate what I’m talking about.

When I was young, we had a thing called the “energy crisis.” For those of you that don’t remember, or weren’t around at the time, it was a royal pain. There was a bunch of oil over in the Middle East, but the people there decided to jack up the price one day. The result was that everybody had to really cut back on driving and heating and stuff like that.

We were fortunate, though, because we had a wise President named Jimmy Carter to guide us through this mess. He came up with a number of great ideas to help out. He extended Daylight Savings Time to conserve energy for later in the day when you really needed it. Even though we had to walk to school in the dark, it gave us a chance to throw snowballs at people without being seen. He told everyone to turn down their thermostats, but was kind enough to send everybody a sweater to help them stay warm.

But these were short term measures just to get through that first winter. (I mean, you don’t think the President has time to knit everyone a sweater, do you?) For a long-term solution, the government came up with the Energy Department to figure out a way to end our dependence on overseas oil and make us self-sufficient. Since then the Energy Department has found all sorts of new sources of energy. Our dependence on overseas oil is virtually a thing of the past. In fact we get so little energy from the Middle East these days that the folks over there are running out of money. I hear the government is about to start a foreign aid program so the Sheikhs of Arabia don’t starve.

Another example of the great job our government does is the Education Department. When I got old enough to understand these things, probably 40 years ago, I found out that the education system in America sucked. Kids in other countries, like Japan, Germany, and France, were getting a much better education than I was. And it was showing, too. Those countries were kicking our butts creating all sorts of new things like personal computers and the Internet. They even sent a man to the moon. You name it, they were going places and we weren’t – all due to the failing school system. Anyway, the government stepped in again just in the nick of time and started the Education Department.

Since then we’ve seen a complete overhaul of our crappy education system in America. Test scores have steadily increased every year, and graduation rates this past year hit an all-time high. And the beauty of it all is that the cost of running our education system just keeps going down every year.

Another area where we’re blessed with good government is our food supply. Now think back to when you were a kid. Remember how bad the food was – not just in the school cafeteria, but everywhere. Remember how your mom was always complaining that she had take food back to the store because it was contaminated. And remember how overweight everyone was because the food was so unhealthy.

Well, those days are gone. Now that the government sets standards that protect our food supply and regulates the people who produce the food for us, we have the best tasting, healthiest food in the world. People are losing weight like crazy, and the French are really jealous of all the good food we have here in America.

But the government doesn’t stop at the small problems like energy or education or food. No, our government has taken on the really big jobs that people couldn’t handle in the past. For years and years people had to contend with this pesky thing called the “business cycle.” You’ve probably heard about it. You get a job. You learn how to do your job. The boss starts to like you because you’re doing a really good job. You get a promotion and buy a house. Pretty soon you start thinking that maybe you can take the wife on that cruise she’s always wanted to go on or maybe even buy a boat. And then, WHAMO!, you get laid off.

So the government came up with a way to eliminate the business cycle and keep everyone employed. They call it the Federal Reserve Bank, or Fed for short. Through skillful management and oversight of the nation’s monetary system, the Fed has been able to completely eliminate the business cycle. Now no one ever has to worry about losing his job because the Fed always makes sure there's enough money to keep people busy all the time. In fact the Fed has done so well that we have to bring in extra people from other countries and hire people overseas just to get all the work done.

Since the government has been so successful at making everyone in America happy, over the last several decades it started helping the rest of the world. It really started after World War II. Now that was a war we didn’t want anything to do with, but then we got attacked and had no choice but to defend ourselves. After a lot of hard fighting alongside some other brave folks around the world, the War was won. Afterwards we were about the only ones that had anything left.

But the government learned a valuable lesson from the War. They learned that the American people are a bunch of hard working sons of guns, and if you steer them in the right direction, they can be a powerful force for making the world a better place. So the government started taking an interest in the well being of other countries around the world. Anytime some little bully started mistreating people, our government would grab him by the scruff of the neck and put him in his place. In fact the government has gotten so good at this that it can tell in advance when one of these punks is going to get out of line and take him out before he causes any problems.

The government’s efforts have been so successful that the majority of countries around the world now have good governments like we do. Those that still don’t have good governments are seriously considering getting one. I guess they all got the hint that if they don’t shape up, we might come knocking on their door next.

There are many more examples I could give about the wonderful benefits of government in the modern era, but I think you get the idea. Considering all the good things our government does today, I can’t wait to see what they come up with next. Whatever it is, I know it will only make our lives better. We should truly be thankful for the blessings of government. Happy 4th of July everyone.

No comments:

Post a Comment